Adversity

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I have always adhered to this statement.  Thinking otherwise is just too darn depressing, but in reality it isn't necessarily so.  We meet adversity on a daily basis, but usually in small doses.  Sitting in a traffic jam may help teach us patience.  Having a reprimand from a boss helps keeps us humble and may well point out a weakness that needs to be strengthened.  These things help us grow.

We often hear that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle."

I'm sorry, but that is just not true.  Not all adversity comes in small doses.  Sometimes is is massive and terrible and overwhelming.

If we could handle everything that happens, we would never ask for His help.
If we could handle everything that happens, we would never be stretched and wouldn't grow.
If we could handle everything that happens, our faith would never be tested.

We came here to be tested.  To learn.  To grow.  To develop faith.  To learn to give and serve and to learn to be humble and receive.

None of these lessons come easily, but we do "handle" them.  Sometimes we accept the challenges with grace and sometimes we react in anger and hurt.  Sometimes we stretch and meet the challenge head-on and sometimes we withdraw into ourselves and hide from the problem.

Some people get stronger and then reach out to others.
Some people get angry and bitter at the unfairness of the challenge.
Sometimes people decide that they are not willing to be challenged anymore and remove themselves from the situation.

None of us particularly enjoy adversity.  But the worst is watching other people that we love have to deal with adversity.

I have a friend who seems to have a never ending stream of unbelievable challenges in her life.  A few she has brought upon herself, but most have been the result of situations far beyond her control.  I don't think she feels strong, but I see a totally different woman now than I knew just a few years ago.

Right now I am watching Reed be challenged with injuries.  I don't know why he is dealing with this.  He had surgery on his right knee in January after it dislocated during wrestling practice..  It was painful and difficult.  It tested his patience, his obedience, and his attitude.  Apparently he didn't learn enough because last month he broke his right hand.  And then yesterday he dislocated his left knee.  Here he is facing another missed season.  And yet, he has chosen to have surgery.

Last night he was mad and frustrated.  There were some tears and raw emotions.  He was asking, "Why me?  Why me again?"  It is a horrible thing to watch as a parent.  Because it is all true and all too real.  As the hours ticked by he began to understand the challenge before him.  His humor began to haltingly return.  He was willing to accept a Priesthood Blessing on his behalf and expressed gratitude and love to his dad and his brother, Colby.  This morning was as whole different story.  A few hours of sleep had allowed him to fully accept the challenge.  All traces of anger were gone.  There was no mention of how unfair it is that he is once again missing an activity he enjoys.  When given a choice to let things go or to have surgery, he decided to accept the additional pain of surgery in hopes of more complete healing.  I have to admit that I am stunned by his positive attitude.

I worry why he needs these lessons.  What will he face in the future?  Who will he need to help?  What is the purpose of these specific challenges?  I may never know the answers to these questions.  But if he is willing to walk by faith, so am I.

In the words of Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come what may and love it."

Photo from http://www.landeeseelandeedo.com/

Lessons from Garrett's Life

I just returned home from a funeral. . . for a 2 year old.  I am not sure that I have ever attended a child's funeral before- it was very difficult. But at the same time, my heart is lifted up in praise for a Heavenly Father who really does love us and has a plan in place for us to come back to him. 

I didn't know Garrett.  My only knowledge of him was seeing him at band events.  The last time I saw him was the Saturday before he died.  His mom had him and Hunter in a double stroller and had Connor straped on in a baby carrier.  The boys were excited to be at the parade.  I wish I had given him a big bag of candy out of my golf cart! (That makes more sense after reading the obituary.)  Garrett's dad, Brek Mangelson, used to be the band director at Lehi High School and is now the band director at a neighboring school.  He is the person responsible for putting a baritone horn in Colby's hand and getting him excited about marching band.  He changed Colby's life and ours, too.

So, this is what I learned today.  Or at least remembered.

• Enjoy every little detail about every day.  Tomorrow will be different.
• Take lots of pictures and videos.  Even of the stuff that "doesn't matter."  It all matters.
• Listen when prompted.  Garrett's parents had impressions that he might not be with them for long.  They discussed and prepared- whether they realized it or not.  They both absolutely shone today with the comfort of the Holy Spirit. 
• Faith isn't a sure thing.  We just need to have faith that Heavenly Father is in charge.  If we have that, everything else falls into place eventually.
• The sun comes out again. . . just like it did for the itsy, bitsy spider.  We have to weather the rain and dark, but it will come out again.
• Giggle, laugh, and have fun.  Everyone likes to, but it seems easier for children.
• Always carry tissues.  They are great for chocolately mouths, sticky fingers, and tears.
• Boys do like girls like their mothers.  Brittany sat near me and cried through the whole funeral, too.

At the funeral both Brek and Brooke spoke about their beautiful little boy.  They were both composed and happy about the blessing they had to be Garrett's parents.  I was stunned by their strength and that of their families.  Here is the beautiful obituary that Brek wrote.

Garrett Kenton Mangelson was born January 17th, 2009 in American Fork, UT. He died Wednesday June 29, 2011 in a fluke accident in the afternoon at his Lehi home. The son of Lehi residents Brek and Brooke Mangelson, Garrett was named after his grandpa (Pa) G. Kent Mangelson. He had a passion for life and will be sorely missed by all who knew him.

On a regular basis he could be seen with one thumb in his mouth and the other hand toting behind him his little blue blanket much like a scene from a Charlie Brown cartoon or movie. He loved his blanket! He couldn’t go anywhere without it and couldn’t sleep without it.

Being the second of three boys in the family, much of his time was spent playing alongside his two other brothers, Hunter and Connor. He loved his brothers with all his heart and loved his Mommy too. He had his daddy’s nose, had blue eyes and long eye lashes that most girls commented on and were envious of. His smile and laugh was infectious. He loved to get tickled and asked often for you to tickle and play with him. His passions in life were anything involving pirates, swords, cookies, gummy bears, trains, busses and chocolate milk.

His mother works at Costco and he knew the sign well and whenever he saw it he would yell out “Costco” and wanted to go there.

Garrett also loved the outdoors. He father owns several four wheelers and a ranger. He loved to go on ranger rides! He would always sit next to his daddy, often with his blanket right beside him. Even if it was just to move it a couple of feet or only to move it in the garage he would always want to go on rides. He would break down into tears if he thought you were going to leave without him. Without fail we would ask for the key at the conclusion of a ride.

Garrett loved his daddy’s marching band and parades. He loved candy and during his last days in life he was seen toting around his candy bag from the Lehi parade. His infant Westlake band hat and his blue t-shirt which indicated “Future [Westlake Thunder] Band” member is a cherished item that he loved and insisted on wearing at each band event.

His favorite songs were “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and the “ABC” song. He sang these often and had the sweetest voice. He loved camping, fires and was very excited to see and do fireworks on the 4th of July. He loved his grandma and Papa and his Nana and Pa and was so excited to see them soon. Most evenings during his last days of life he could be seen sitting next to his daddy cuddling while watching a TV show or movie in the basement. This is a cherished memory that his father will always remember.

We will all miss our little “Gare Bear”

Snowboarding Lessons

We had a GREAT idea for a Christmas gift this year- snowboarding lessons at Sundance Resort.  They have a great starter package for Scouts that includes 4 hours of lessons, 4 hours of free ski time, and gear for under $100 AND you get the Snow Sports Merit Badge.  On top of all that, Reed says that it was, "The most fun I have ever had in my whole life!"

DISCLAIMER:  We have had injuries.  Despite the helmets and lessons, stuff happens.  Parker's very first fall last week landed him flat on his back.  This dislocated his rib, both in back and in front.  He had a hard time breathing and was in pain.  That didn't stop him!  Yesterday he had the rib adjusted in the afternoon, had it knocked back out at Scouts last night, and had it re-adjusted late last night.  (Ron Anderson is an AWESOME chiropractor and a good friend- who else would meet us at 9:30 at night???)  We will probably be back there tomorrow since there were some issues when Parker fell tonight, but he's hanging in there.  The ligaments are so stretched out that they are not holding the rib. . .

Today was their second lesson.  They were excited to go and everything was simple and easy.  The board shop had all their equipment ready when we arrived, so there was no fuss.  Tonight they learned about waxing a board and they mastered S turns.  From what they say, they are doing really well.  I must say that we were pretty surprised at how much better they were today.  Colby stunned us with his smooth descent to the lift- he looked awesome!  Reed and Parker show less finesse, but are more daring. . .  I think I am glad that I can only see a small part of the mountain.

This is the lodge/snack area that is right at the bottom of the slopes.  This is where Ed and I have spent HOURS drinking cocoa and playing rummy.  We actually even met a couple of new acquaintances who were also hanging out.  We enjoyed watching the parade of people in their various "outfits" as they warmed up and had a snack.  We are sedate people.

Sundance has just begun having night skiing again after many many years of darkness.  This has worked out really well for us since it is so close.  I want to take the boys snowboarding during the day so that I might have a prayer of catching some action shots!